What Usually Happens

Sometimes the power of God within us can get kind of scary. Many times when I have needed spiritual upliftment and enhancement, God has placed me in the situations when I need it most, which is something to be appreciated because it reminds me that He is with me and there for me.  However, sometimes when I RANDOMLY open my Bible, the same thing happens, which is sooo beyond my control that it startles me. 

For instance, I was recently re-reading my favorite book, Doing What’s Right by Tavis Smiley, and although I was learning a lot from it and getting a lot of mental preparation for the school year (I desire to delve deeper into art and social advocacy this year), I was still empty. During one of the days that I was reading, a lot of my friends moved back on campus, and almost immediately, the spiritual growth that I made throughout the summer begin to deplete. I begin to get frustrated with my competence to undertake the goals for the year, questioning “How can I be a source of social change, growth, and progress when I get so deterred and influenced by the people around me? How can God use me if I allow myself to lose sight of His will for me? Why am I chosen to do good things when I still struggle to focus on God’s great purposes?”

These and other questions ran rampantly through my head, and when I hit the point of mental exhaustion, I did what I always do- I opened my Bible for guidance.

Not searching for any specific verse or scripture, I opened it randomly to the middle, and before I could even flip through the pages, my eyes landed on the bottom left corner of this first page that I’d opened to.  And as blatant as the title of Tavis Smiley’s book, the third verse in this chapter of Psalms 106 read, “Blessed are they who maintain justice, who constantly do what is right.” 

Initially, I wanted to freak out! This had happened before when I was down and needed a scripture about perseverance (read Hebrews 10) and other times when I just needed spiritual help with the things that I was going through. So the question of this being “luck” was totally out the door. God had truly heard my innermost cries and pleas, and once again He showed me that He was there. Now, that I have finished reading Doing What’s Right for the second time, I know that I am equipped and blessed to be a blessing to many of my peers at WashU, and with the will and support of God on my side, I have no fear that I will accomplish what he has in store for me.

Minutes, Hours, Days…but not yet weeks

I’ve realized that I haven’t blogged in such a long time…. It could possibly be because I have been away or even because I haven’t been “thinking” lately… or it could just be that I have not used my energy to generate and mentally articulate the thoughts that have occurred. Despite the reasons, it is about time that I get back on it and start back writing.

I have been re-reading a favorite book of mine lately. It is Tavis Smiley’s Doing What’s Right, and on this second-go-around, I have been picking up on inspiration that I missed the first time that I read it. (Note: I first read- nearly skimmed- the book in one day during a busy semester.) There is an underlying tone of “using one’s talents”- well, gifts- fully and efficiently for the good of society, and it really hit me that although I have many aspirations to “change the world,” I haven’t been FULLY using the gifts that God has bestowed upon me.

I always get really frustrated when I think about this contradiction, but as I have been reading Smiley’s book, I’ve moreso been confused. I constantly get led to think “What are all of my gifts? Which ones should I be using? Am I really expected to use them ALL? In what quantity should I use them? What if I am not strong in one?, etc.” It gets crazy in my head, and instead of working out the issue, I get exhausted and do nothing (outside of sleeping).

This is my roadblock….but I have a solution that might work.

So plain and simple, here’s the issue: I can’t impact change until I pick my battles. I can’t pick my battles until I fully understand my passions. I can’t fulfill my passions until I know my gifts. I can’t explore my gifts until I iron and test them out. I can’t test them out until I….STOP “thinking” and START doing.

But what do I “do?” ANY and EVERYthing until I weed out my gifts and battles.

I will see if this works.

What Bit My Fruit

So I previously had a post titled “What’s Biting Your Fruit?” whereby I took a scripture, Galations 5 (I think) and attempted to reflect upon certain direct and vicarious issues that I have faced in order to encourage those who may encounter the same issues. When I first thought of this essay/journal entry/ treaty/ whatever it may be called, I created an extended outline to help guide my thoughts. However, once I began to translate my outline into a parenthetical format, I found myself struggling to fully articulate my feelings and thoughts.

For weeks, I pondered why I’d reached such an unfortunate and untimely writing block, and I could not conjur a concrete answer. But today, it hit me. I had been “bitten by Adam” as I tried to plant my seeds, and therefore, God sent a haze in my mind so that I would not bestow unfruitful seeds to whoever may actually read what I wrote. He blocked my thoughts so that I would not deliver a vain, self-glorifying, hypocritical, misguided message. He let me know that although I am equipped to write of His glory, I still am not ready.

I appreciate this epiphany greatly, for it allows me to understand how things sometimes work in my life. The “Adams” (or “Eve”) that bit my fruit were my pride, my arrogance, my lack of sincere focus upon God, my vanity, and my dependence upon others for my joy. All summer, I have been struggling with these things as I have fought with myself and cried about how broken my closest friendship have become. I wallowed in pain and misery when my best friend died, and dwelled in depression when my friends pulled away from me in my brokenness. But yesterday, after I had a long talk with my closest college friend, we broke the emotional ties that we had upon each other and became just “buddies.” And although such a demotion in our friendship sucks, I already feel relieved and free. My headaches are gone; my eyes are no longer most with tears; my head hangs high as I look towards He who really supplies my joy.

As I realize the error in my ways, I still have faith that God will soon use me to do His will and aid a lot of broken hearts. And although I still am not totally ready to finish what my mom has deemed my “first sermon,” I recognize that I should not and cannot rush what God has for me. Therefore, I will keep my “What’s Biting Your Fruit?” post as it is, but whenever I feel that God is ready for me to do it, I will definitely pick up the pen and begin again.

Fellowship Song

As I was sitting on my couch today, I was sooo disturbed, frustrated, and upset about how things were going with my friends. I have been feeling miserable all summer for soo many reasons, but something hit me today and told me that such worries are meaningless, for I have God, and He will supply all of my needs, wants, and desires. Then, I just had to thank Him, and instead of writing a poem about my miseries, I decided to write a song to my friends and to God, exclaiming how great He is.  I call it The Fellowship Song.

Verse 1.

Join me in fellowship.

Let us lift our hands to Him.

He who is great. He who is awesome.

Let us praise His name.

(repeat 1x)

Chorus:

Lord we love you. We adore you.

You are good to us.

Not for what you’ve done, but for who you are.

We exalt your name.

Lord we love you. We adore you.

You are good to us.

Not for what you’ve done, but for who you are.

We will praise your name.

Verse 2:

Lord, we lift our hands to you.

For all the things you brought us through.

We have been called. We have been chosen.

To exhalt your name.

(repeat 1x)

Chorus.

 

Let us praise Him. He is good to us.

Let us glorify, glorify His name.

(repeat 8x)

We love you! (We love you!)

We adore you! (Adore you)

We praise you! (We Praise you)

Hallelujah! (Hallelujah)

 

(repeat 12x)

Quick thoughts about Joy vs. Happiness

Sometimes I get down. With the loss of my closest, most beloved best friend and the instability of my college friendships, I feel that I have no one (beyond my mother) in whom I can confide, no one whom I can totally be myself around, and no one whom I can faithfully and fully give my love. And when I realize this void, I recognize that I am not happy. I am not happy in my friendships. I am not happy in my associations. I am not happy depending on people for happiness.

But whenever I find myself dwindling into this mode of- well- depression, I recall the many sermons that I have heard about joy.  Unlike happiness, joy does not come from the external relationships and codependence upon people. Instead, joy is internal, and it is one of those precious gifts that God has shared with his beloved. When I think about the goodness of Jesus and the grace and mercy of God, my stomach gets knots and butterflies, and my heart settles into my bosom like a leaf upon a pond, and I then recognize the joy within me. I remember that all that I need in this life is God’s love, and I should be content with that.

Plans for the Passionate Thinker

As am ambitious, passionate, and visionary individual, I often conjur wild ideas about things that I desire to pursue, experience, and create. I ponder such extraordinary ideas constantly- only to soon get frustrated and overwhelmed by not transforming my thoughts into action. This is a problem that I share with many others, and it is an issue that has become crucial to fix.

Whenever, I need guidance and direction about such issues, I turn to the Word of God- yes, the Bible, and like every other occasion in my life, it provides much assistance in the current matter. In Habakkuk 2, God informs the author Habbakkuk of solutions to help the weary. However, before he instructs Habakkuk, God reminds him to ”write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets,” (Habakkuk 2:2) and by taking this first and crucial step He assures him- as well as us- that his thoughts and ideas will thus become more fruitful. With this snippet of insight, we, as followers and doers of the Word, can transform our plethora of thoughts and ideas from mere floating vestibules that they initially are into active ”change agents” grounded and stabilized by a spiritual plan.

As the verse continues, God inform Habukkuk and us that our revelation “awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.” (Habakkuk 2:3) Here, he assures us of many various important points about planning and writing out our dreams. One is that with our intangible thoughts transformed into concrete recollections, we are sure not to lose them as quickly. WIth a written plan to guide our lives, we can better RETAIN our floating thoughts. Then as we grow more in the spirit and develop our gifts and power, we can RESTORE these ideas when we are ready for them and then APPLY them to our lives with action.

(to be extended and elaborated)

To God, my Best Friend

Dear God,

   I am learning more and more each day that you truly are the keeper of my joy. Lord, I love you sooo much- more than I can actually articulate. I love you because you are amazing, so amazing, and your presence in my life totally astounds me. I can’t get enough of you. I yearn to always grow in you and have you with me as I grow. I never want to lose you in my life, and I never want to stop loving you as I do. I get speechless when I think of your glory and your many wonders and your everlasting love and presence in my life. I need you. I need only you as I strive earnestly to live out the life you have planned for me, and I pray that you can instill in me perseverance, faith, and love, for I know that in you, these things will take me to your promise. I would like thank you in advance for EVERYTHING- good and bad- that may come my way as I follow you. I have signed up for your annointing in my heart, and Lord, I pray that if it is your will that nothing will cross me off your list.

Lord, I can’t imagine my life without you. From birth, you have been there for me, and I will die with you in my heart. I love you that much, and I pray that you can just keep me with you. As a child, you were my father when I was fatherless, so Father, I aim to make you proud.

Lord I love you for today, I love you for the yesterdays that have passed, and I love you for the tomorrows that shall come. I pray that you can know my heart and keep it gentle with your love.

Let your will be done in my life.

Your daughter and best friend,

djn

Me- A “Bible Scholar?” Really? I think not…

I was once talking to a friend about how many people within my college community are so into the Bible that it can become intimidating to speak to them if you are not already a “Bible Scholar.” The conversation sparked much interest, and it made me ponder my identity in the word, and this is what I concluded:

  Although I aim to become well-versed in my knowledge and application of the Bible to my life, I do not consider myself or aim to become a Bible “scholar,” for there is a slight lack of humility that evolves with such a term. Sure, this title simply means that such a “scholar” knows their Word and is able to thoroughly analyze its meanings, symbols, and other motifs. However, this is not my sole purpose in studying the Bible and its contents. As the title- from our conversation- seemingly implies that one takes the role of the skeptic in their approach, I view my approach differently. I open my Bible with new curiosity and fervor each time that I read it, knowing that I am still the broken, lost, lonely, confused, and in need of God’s direction… Retaining where such guidance is located within the Bible is just an extra blessing of the spiritual journey.

A Call to Teach and a Call to Persevere

Today I got my first opportunity to teach students about the subject that I love most- identity in art. Although my session with the students, sophomore students from University City High School, went exceptionally well, I really feared (at first) that it would end in a total flop. Here’s a quick summary of the story:

I have a friend who is a sophomore at my university (WashU!), and she has an internship this summer in St. Louis working with students from UCity. Last spring semester, she always asked me if I would be interested teaching a class about the things that I study to her students, and of course, I said yeah, not thinking that anything would come of it. Many times in college, you find that people say that they will support something or do something with so much enthusiasm, but because of the other hundred activities that we are involved in, we soon forget…and I really thought it was another of these fleeting moments.

But no, this girl was PERSISTENT, and she kept reminding me of this task that I’d agreed to do, so as a woman of my word, I took it more seriously and prepared my lesson. Everything went completely smoothly until last night when the girl wrote me on Facebook at 11:14pm to inform me that the students were studying GLOBAL WARMING, and their art project would be a college expressing how they feel about it. Of course, I FREAKED OUT. I had to present for them at 8:15am, and I knew nothing about global warming or the art of collaging (I’m the painter/drawing/graphic design type). So immediately, I thought, “Well, I just won’t do it,” (along with MANY other pessimistic, arrogant, and downright negative thoughts) and soon after, I was reminded by God the following passage that I hold dear, Hebrews 10: 35-39, “A Call to Persevere:”

“35 So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewareded.

36 You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.

37 For in just a very little while, ‘He who is coming will come and will not delay.

38 But my righteous one will live by faith. And if he shrinks back, I will not be pleased with him.’

39 But we are not of thos who shrink back and are destroyed, but of those who believe and are saved.” (NIV)

This passage has helped me through many hard times and tribulations throughout my college experience, and I am sure that God sent it to me last night as a reminder that I do not need to worry and freak out about everything that goes wrong in my life because I must stay focused on His higher mission for me. And more than anything else, I dare not give up on anything that I due when faced with a challenge, especially one like this one.

Therefore, after reading this passage again last night, I went directly to sleep, and when I overslept (I’d scheduled to wake at 5:45, but did not rise until 7:34), I kept this passage on my mind and still did not freak up. I calmly got up, thanked and conversed with God for the new day, and proceeded to my school. And when I entered and presented, things went absolutely PERFECT. The kids did not care that I did not talk about art and global warming; they were simply intrigued about my and other artists’ works revealing how we feel about our self-identities and the worlds around us. Moreso, because I presented things smoothly and time efficiently, they decided to reflect what they’d learned from me and create similar drawings. It was a blessed occasion, and I am so glad that I did not simply “shrink back” and give up because I realized with those students that educating/mentoring youth is something that I desire to do with my life, and in my perseverance, God just allowed me to take the first step.

De

Reflections on Womanhood and the Virtuous Woman of Proverbs 31

By far this passage of the Bible is my absolute favorite. As a young woman of God, it is crucial to use this depiction of a woman as the ideal example of what we strive to be. This woman is strong. She is hardworking, and she is supportive of her husband and her family, which is very different form the typical type of women that we see in today’s society. With television showing us a plethora of negative woman images and young girls revealing the lack of positive guidance and influence  that are being provided to them, it is easy to question “where is the Virtuous Woman of today’s society hiding? Who can find her?”

Well, that is precisely the question of the first verse (Prov 31:10) of this Biblical passage. It asks “who can find her” because in Biblical times, such women would be so hidden in the Lord and so about her business and responsibilities that you would have to seek Him in order to find her. Although this remains true for many of God’s Virtuous Women today, there are also other things that are keeping society from seeing them. For one, they are so hidden by the cacauphony of videos, images, and other accounts of scandalous women that it would be hard to believe that such a woman still exists. As well, many women who inhabit the virtuosity that is discussed in this passage are not on the front page of media in society. However, they do exist.

Such women are the lawyers, doctors, and politicians who push through the steel doors of opportunity that are set before them in order to aid those in need around them. They are the educators, mentors, non-profit owners, and other women who engage themselves in their immediate communities and strive for the upliftment of our youth. They are the actresses, media representatives, and performers who expose positive images of women to society. They are the artists, writers, and speakers who strive earnestly to creatively express the issues that we currently face as people. Most importantly, they are the mothers, sisters, aunts, daughters, and wives- women who lead their families, friends, and peers to the higher purposes in life.

They are the women who (actively) care.

De